What I Learned About Love After Losing Myself
How Healing Myself Helped Me Love and Be Loved Differently
There’s a kind of love that feels like safety—and a kind that feels like sacrifice.
For a long time, I didn’t know the difference.
I thought love meant abandoning parts of myself to make others happy.
I thought love meant being easy, agreeable, accommodating—no matter what it cost me.
I thought love meant shrinking myself, silencing my needs, and bending until I broke.
Because if they were happy, then I was worthy.
Because if they stayed, then I mattered.
Because if I gave enough, then maybe, finally, I would be enough.
But that’s not love.
That’s fear disguised as love.
And it cost me everything.
It cost me my voice.
It cost me my confidence.
It cost me the woman I was created to be.
Losing myself wasn’t a single moment.
It was slow, subtle, a thousand little compromises that added up over time.
And by the time I realized it, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.
I had spent so long loving others in a way that required me to disappear, that I had no idea how to love myself.
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I learned:
True love—God’s love—doesn’t ask you to lose yourself.
It invites you to find yourself.
It invites you to heal.
It invites you to be whole.
It invites you to be loved exactly as you are, not as you perform.
The love that heals isn’t built on fear.
It’s built on freedom.
You are not loved because you perform.
You are not worthy because you please.
You are not enough because you earn it.
You are loved because you exist.
You are worthy because you were created in His image.
You are enough because He said so.
True love—whether from yourself, from others, or from God—will never require you to abandon the woman you are becoming.
Reflection:
Take five minutes today to reflect:
→ Where have you confused love with sacrifice?
→ Where have you been losing yourself instead of loving yourself?
Write down one way you are committing to loving yourself differently, starting today.
I'd Love to Hear From You:
What does loving yourself like God loves you look like today?
Share your reflections in the comments, or simply hit reply —let’s walk this healing journey together.
You are already loved.
You are already enough.
You are already free.
Reminder:
If no one has told you today—
You are worthy of love without condition.
You are worthy of staying true to yourself.
You are worthy of being loved fully, freely, and faithfully.
Keep choosing healing over hustling.
Keep choosing wholeness over performance.
Keep choosing love—the real kind.
XO,
Rachel
If today's reflection spoke to you, I'd love for you to subscribe to Create Your Own Story. Every week, you'll receive a heartfelt post like this to inspire your own journey toward healing, confidence, and freedom.
P.S. If you're ready to dive deeper into the story behind these reflections, I'd love to invite you to read Chasing Perfection: A Journey to Healing, Fitness, and Self-Love.
It’s the raw and real story of how I found freedom beyond the pursuit of perfection—and how you can too. Grab your copy here.